Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Xander is a smart kid. He'll be 4 years old this summer but is already into the stuff I liked when I was 5, maybe 6. He can watch old episodes of Voltron non-stop via NetFlix - Instant Queue, w/o commercials! I can tell he has a thing for Princess Allura, like I did... do.

During learning time this morning on he was learning that 'sh' combined makes the "shhh" sound. Of course he still pronounced it more as a "sss" not knowing how to position his teeth and tongue to get the right sound to come out. So naturally I explained it to him and demonstrated how to keep the tongue back and close the teeth to allow the whistle-like sound. He nailed it after a couple tries and can now pronounce phrases like "she shops for shoes".

I was proud and saddened simultaneously. Here's my little buddy growing up and graduating from his little speech impediment that his mom and I still find entertaining and cute. It won't bother me if he forgets this lesson for a few more months...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

"The vastness of the Universe...

... is inside of a seedling."  A lyric to one of my poems/songs.  A rare moment of deep understanding, of pure presence, as fleeting as a moment, though true and clear as the light of day to me, in that instance.

As life moves on, ever-horizontal and linear through the common illusion we acknowledge as time, I can reflect on that lyric, when "time" permits, to visit and experience the realm of wonder, the 'quest'  of an 'ion' such as myself, to ask and thus, to exist.

Questions have answers.  Inquiring minds live and pulsate with thought and wonderment, chaotically, but alive.  To solve a puzzle is to end the journey, to terminate the chaos of the mystery.  Is Omniscience a form of death?  How can there be life if there is no mystique, if all is known?  Are we then as the parent who must live vicariously through their child to catch a glimpse of what was once magical, once mystical?  Is that what we are, here in this life, as a reincarnation of what had once been so new, so fresh, so simple and pure yet so entertaining?  As is witnessing the first laugh, the first steps, the first anything of a babe-child?

Can there really be an ultimate question?  With a very finite number of karmic paths, along with a finite number of genetic combinations, as well as a finite number of worldly experiences, is there truly such a thing as infinity?  Is this why choice-chaos can never be nullified?  Can this be the reason for an opposition in ALL things?

Monday, April 5, 2010

Back on crack, I mean, track!

Well, after playing the role of Gitmo for the past few months, with regard to my thought hostages, it's time to start releasing them again into the void of cyberspace (does anyone even call it 'cyberspace' anymore?). How intriguing is it to think of the grand majority of the Universe as open space, or as it is also known, "dark" matter? Why did I put 'dark' in quotations? Because who's to say that it's really 'dark' at all? Sure from our limited visual perception it seems dark and devoid of light except from the stars and any other gaseous reaction occurring and getting reflected from other objects, but imagine how full of life potential there is in the vastness of space?

I think about our own bodies and how dark it all must be throughout our internal systems, devoid of light, though full of life and death, function and non-function, action and reaction, in-flow and out-flow, chaos and order, and then everything in between. The denser a situation, in any case throughout the universe, the more gravity it has, meaning the more pull it commands. The question I ponder is, who or what causes the density of a situation? Is it a natural, random occurrence, aka. organic. Or is it something created and/or observed in such immensity that it is therefore contaminated to a certain extent and deemed artificial. Could it be a combination?

Is anyone in "control" or are even the most advanced beings subject to randomness? In our dimension of dual polarities, does life = chaos and death = order? I pose it in that way because throughout life any number of physical, emotional, and spiritual events are possible through and as a result of our choices. Once dead there really is only one option for the body, and we can only speculate about the soul, though most religions agree that there is pretty much a set standard for what comes next, whatever that religion's standard post-life protocol may be. The two guarantees of life: death and choice... though the taxman would have us believe otherwise.

Hmmm... so maybe Chaos = Choice? I can certainly see that application's validity just from my few short years of parenting experience. Let the children run free for a little while and observe the utter chaos that ensues from their choices. The weeping, the wailing, the gnashing of teeth, not to mention the mess, especially if dealing with little boys. Hell on earth. Anarchy, kinda. Life at its fullest!!!

And so might Order = Evolution? Voluntarily relenting certain instincts and impulses so as to better fit in. Fit into what? A machine? A processor? A god-making system? Is ultimate surrender the ultimate quest and test to attain enlightenment and exaltation? Death and surrender of the chaotic, choice-endowed, child, for ascension to a higher plain of existential understanding of universal order? Is this what religion was trying to teach me all those years of my childhood, though muddied in the micro-management of my personal path to get to this point? Life leads to death, and Death leads to Life... for infinity.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

when do I really wake up?

I'm not trying to be extremely philosophical with the title of this entry, but I did just notice as I was re-reading the last line of my first entry "Live, Love, and Laugh freely" that I hadn't really felt awake yet this morning, until that realization of how simplistic a thing life can be, if we choose that. Thoughts of my day to come and yesterday past were monopolizing my mind, to the point of partial blindness to actually being here in the now. Granted, I know the importance of forward planning and learning from history, but I believe there needs be a healthy balance, since the only thing that can be done about the past is rememberance, and the only thing that can be done about the future is speculation, but here and now in the present I have the power to LIVE, to ACT, to BE. I choose to love and laugh or to hate and bemoan. It's an infinitely powerful realization of one's own right to exist, to create, and to have joy.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The wave is coming...

but I can't tell if its a good wave that I'll be able to hang 10 on, or one that's going to wipe me out. Times seem to be tough, especially considering the state of our economy. As much as I love the truth as preached by the good Dr. Ron Paul, I can't help but wonder how and when anything significant will get done to truly make a positive difference toward change.

How far do we need to be pushed as a nation, until we push back. Who do we push back? All the answers are there, as easy as a few clicks of the mouse on the Internet, but how many folks are really looking for them? So many people are paralyzed by fear or ignorance, likely a combination. Those of us trying to do something about these problems are hitting obstacle after obstacle and getting poorer as we go along.

I feel that the wave's coming, but I fear that it's a tsunami of economic backlash that will mostly wipe out the middle class of this country, and send us into the status of a 3rd world nation. If that happens, what then for the current 2nd and 3rd world countries?

Monday, September 22, 2008

Blog readers WARNING!

This is my personal blog so DON'T READ IT!!!! I'm too lazy and too slow of a writer to actually take a pen to paper for a journal, so this will have to do. Actually it's more legible and time efficient than any other journal I've ever kept, so I'm really sort of happy that Blog invented godding.

I can't help but feel miffed about what my sister told me yesterday. She was visiting a local Latter Day Saint congregation in support of a cousin of mine who has chosen to be a full-time missionary for the religion. That isn't the disturbing part. She recounted that after our cousin was finished with his discourse in front of the audience, that a local church leader stood in front of the group and began to share thoughts and direction that had supposedly come down from the religion's top leadership in support of a certain government proposition to define legal marriage as between one man and one woman; a backhanded way of lobbying against gay and lesbian marriages, as well as against polygamists, I guess. When did the pulpit become a political platform?!?!

Don't get me wrong, I understand how the pulpit and Church power has been used for corrupt propositioning since forever ago, but I grew up in the LDS church and can't ever recall such blatant politicking from the pulpit; and as a matter of direction from the 1st presidency of the church, no less!

Come on Satins! I mean Saints!!! Wake up!!!! If you're at all rooted in Pioneer heritage then you know that you probably still have family ties to modern-day polygamists, or that you at least descended from them. There's nothing wrong with you, now is there?!?! (Rhet Q).

Has no one else watched Big Love on HBO? The show was great, in its first season, because it actually made one think outside the generally accepted box. Obviously, folks of mature mind and body should have the right to think and act for themselves in whatever manner they perceive as proper and joyful, as long as it does nothing to take that right away from anyone else. Yeah, the show had a underlying message regarding freedom to choose one's own mate(s), and that even trancends gender; and guess what? It was SPOT ON!!

Even though my preferences may be different than yours, I will still respect yours and I'll expect the same treatment in return. If I wanted your acceptance but wasn't willing to give you mine, I would be a hypocrite, and vice-versa.

I'm so happy for my cousin's choice to take 2 of his prime years of life and devote them to the service of others... I also participated in full-time proselytizing for 2 years, and have a lot of great memories and experiences that came from it. I'm so sad that instead of teaching and preaching unconditional love and acceptance of all of Blog's children, it seems as if the C of JC of LDS has jumped on the Christian Reich's bandwagon to attempt itemization of Blog's rules and regs for righteous residence in our earthly estates.

Let "us" not forget that our Pioneer travels weren't recreational in nature. We were persecuted and forcibly removed from our beautiful towns, cities, communities, because we didn't fit the bill before, here in the United States of America, land of the Free; founded by Pilgrims seeking refuge from religious persecution. A lot of our early history was more like a bad LSD trip than a happy EFY experience. Now suddenly, we're somewhat in with the Christian/Evangelical crowd, allbeit begrudgingly and so we're okay to bully the new unpopular bunch and stamp it as a resolution by revelation???

The fags, lesbos, and poly's (poly's = polygamists, not to be confused with Polynesians who are the future of leadership and power in this Psuedo-truth masquerading as the Latter-Day Gospel) are easy targets because they are such a peculiar people... when did we turn our back on our own pride in peculiarity?

Well, I'm pleased to say that I have not turned my back on my own points of peculiarity. I live my life for me and am attempting to pass that same philosophy on to my kids. That doesn't mean I'm trying to take advantage of anyone, or keeping to myself; it just means that the opinions and judgements of others don't matter to me very much anymore. Most importantly for me is how I feel about myself when I sit in meditation or prayer to whomever I feel I want to pray to.

Let our brothers marry amongst themselves, as well as our sisters. Let the man or woman take on as many spouses as he or she can responsibly handle without having to call upon the support of church or government. This is how we as a human culture will emotionally evolve into higher levels of tolerance, understanding, acceptance, and love for one another; not by seeking out the government of one nation to pass a bill supporting our beliefs, and taking the rights of others away. Who are we to police, except to police ourselves from self-betrayal? Who are we to brutalize, except to brutally abstain from damaging and confining our emotions to someone else's opinion of right and wrong?

LIVE, LOVE, and LAUGH FREELY, I say. The rest will work itself out.